Unlearning Shame: Reclaiming My Body and My Boundaries

Trigger Warning: Childhood Sexual Abuse

For years, I wore shame like it was part of my outfit.

I covered up.

I second-guessed my “no.”

I apologized for wanting affection, for having needs, for taking up space — physically and emotionally.

Somewhere along the way, I learned to believe that my body and my boundaries needed permission.

I was giving more than I was receiving — not out of kindness, but out of the belief that I’d be rewarded for overextending myself.

That if I loved harder, showed up stronger, poured more… I’d finally be chosen, prioritized, or appreciated.

But all I did was exhaust myself in the name of hope.

These days? I pour from a full cup. And if mine is empty — I’m not serving.

But this chapter of my life?

This Auntie Era, grown woman, soft life chapter?

I’m unlearning all of that.

Shame is not my birthright. Power is.

Where the Shame Started: Reclaiming What Was Taken from Me

I was too young to understand what was happening.

Too small to fight back.

Too scared to tell the truth out loud.

But I remember the moment clearly — because it was the day shame moved in.

It didn’t come from me.

It came from what was done to me — by a man who should’ve never had access to me.

My father’s sister’s boyfriend.

Someone who was trusted. Familiar. Safe… or so they thought.

He took my innocence.

And instead of him carrying the weight of what he did, I carried it.

In my silence.

In my body.

In the way I questioned my worth for years after especially after my family did nothing to help me, and helped him more.

🤐 The Weight of Secrets

Nobody talks about how silence can become your survival.

I didn’t say anything, and once I did nothing happened. Oh the shame ate my alive at that point.

I was met with “Are you sure?” Then worse… nothing. I had shamed the family by telling the secret and sent off like a castaway on the island.

So after that I did what so many girls do — I buried it.

But burying shame doesn’t kill it.

It just grows underground…

Into the way you see yourself.

Into the way you let people treat you.

Into your self-worth, your relationships, your boundaries — or lack thereof.

💔 What It Taught Me (That I Had to Unlearn)

• That I had to earn love or protection

• That saying no was optional

• That my body was something to hide or feel shame in

• That speaking up meant “causing problems”

• That pain was something I had to deal with quietly

None of those lessons were true.

But I lived by them for years.

Many boyfriends I gave you so much too and receive so much Less in return. Feeling like having sex was a way to Make them want me more make me feel important and all I did was make me feel more shameful once they got what they wanted and skedaddled along the way

🛑 Then One Day, I Broke the Contract

The one I didn’t even realize I signed:

That silence was safer than healing.

That shame was mine to carry.

That my story should stay hidden because it might make other people uncomfortable.

Nah.

Not anymore.

🌱 Reclaiming My Body. Reclaiming My Boundaries.

Now? I say what happened.

I protect the little girl in me by never letting anyone cross a line uninvited.

I speak boldly about healing — because hiding didn’t heal nothing.

I teach my son about bodily autonomy, respect, and intuition.

I teach my daughter about a man accepting you for who you are and you not having to give him more for him to care about you.

And I remind myself often: what happened to me is not who I am.

💬 Final Word From Auntie Lo:

If you’ve ever felt shame from something that was done to you —

please know this:

That shame is not yours.

You didn’t deserve it.

And you can heal. In pieces. In waves. In your own time.

The silence ends with me.

And if you’re reading this, maybe it ends with you too.

Unlearning shame is the most freeing thing I’ve ever done.

I’m not a before-and-after story.

I’m a right-now woman, reclaiming every piece of myself I once gave away for acceptance.

📩 Subscribe for more unfiltered, healing-filled stories from the soft life side

🛍️ Coming soon: “Unlearned & Unbothered” merch in the Lifestyle By Lo shop

💬 Tell me in the comments: What shame are you unlearning this season?